Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
