my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
