Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
