did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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