Do you still have your period?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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