So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
