so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
