Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
