i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
