You really coming over, don't trick.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
