They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
