you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
