we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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