There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
