I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
