You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
