I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i drank out of a bidet.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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