stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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