somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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