I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
