im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
