I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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