theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
