I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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