so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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