Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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