my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
