Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
