i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
