I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
