Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
