Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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