May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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