I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just had sex on a roof
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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