Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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