I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
