Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
