I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
