Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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