Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Less talking, more tequila
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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