i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
