just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
