rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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