he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
