3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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