is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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