he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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