so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
