I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
