i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
