Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
