The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
