If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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