and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
