Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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