come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
