She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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