Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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