I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
