I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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