please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
