Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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