She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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