Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
