she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
