Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
