Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
