what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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