So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
