I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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