dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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