the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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