Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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