eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
