I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
