well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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