highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
